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Joke Of The Day

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll about in agony.

The woman rushed to the man and immediately began to apologise.

"Please allow me to help, I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me", she told him.

"Oh no, I'll be alright, I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked," How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great...............but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Misc. Joke Crap

Voo Audio by Runnin

Hot Bubbles (A must see Guys)

NOTE! when going to the Skeleton Link, Make sure you tell it to play in "Original Size"

Chicken joke

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question"

Chicken Butt

DEAR GOD LETTER'S BY SOME LITTLE KIDS

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?"

The woman says: "No, he's 9 and she's 7,

Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice

Words of Wisdom (NOT X)

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they w ake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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JUST A THOUGHT BOX

Alcohol Always Lied to Me

I Drank for Courage... and woke up night after night horrified.

I Drank for Sophistication... and became crude.

I Drank to find Peace... and ignited a war within myself.

I Drank to be Friendly... and became argumentative and nasty.

I Drank to be Sexy... and turned people off.

I Drank so that I could Relate to Others... and I babbled.

I Drank to put down Loneliness... and found myself retreating more
and more into my shell.

I Drank to Relax... and woke up tense.

I Drank to be Entertaining... and became an obnoxious clown.

I Drank to Live More Fully... and contemplated suicide.

I Drank for Adventure... and discovered disaster.

I Drank to be more Honest... and insulted my friends.

I Drank to Quiet my Nerves... and woke up with hangover jangles.

I Drank to Feel Better... and ended up sick and throwing up.

I Drank to have Fun... and passed out in the middle of the party.

I Drank to Pep Myself Up... and ended up exhausted.

I Drank to feel Successful... a Big Shot... but ended up a failure.

I Drank for Security... and became afraid of my shadow.

I Drank to Feel Better about Myself... and ended up hating me.

I Drank to prove I could handle Alcohol... and ended up knowing it controlled me.

A Friend asked...

"But surely, now that you've been Sober awhile, it would take a lot of alcohol to put you back in that condition."

"Just One Drink," I answered!

~Author Unknown~